I have been asked by many people how the show went last Saturday. I don’t know.
On October the 3rd I lay in the bed at the hotel and I closed my eyes. In my mind’s eye, I saw the crowd standing. My inner voice started narrating my past to the image of the standing crowd. “They are standing because you finally achieved what your ex-wife demanded of you. Be a man. They are applauding because you didn’t need to be on Letterman to do something special on TV. They are cheering because you aren’t as famous as Charlie Murphy, Tom Green or Gerry Dee. You are you, and they are standing and cheering because you are you.”
I snapped and began to cry hard- Good Will Hunting “It’s not your fault” crying. When the tears stopped my life had changed. I felt it. Trust me I know that feeling of “My life will never be the same.” I felt it when I got kicked out of Canada in ‘05. I knew it when I finished that second surgery last August. I don’t really know how it has changed but I know it has.
I don’t remember much of anything from the set except the picture of people standing up at the end. I was told the set was 90 minutes and that the ovation was close to 5 minutes. Maybe when I see the tape I will have more thoughts about it, but right now the only feeling and memory I have is that standing crowd.
In love, I have always quested for the chance to love as hard as I can. To be all the way “me.” Weird, irreverent, too intense, a megalomaniac, and an introspective crybaby.
That crowd Saturday night let me love that hard. It’s a rare thing, as anyone who has ever been in love or had their heart broken can attest to. Those standing forgiving, empowering, understanding and affirming hand claps let me love as hard as I could.
Maybe that’s why they stood up, maybe that’s why I cried.
Anyway, that’s how the show went.
YOU GOT THE GOLD BUT I GOT THE VOGUE
I have spent my whole life chasing dreams and failing miserably. Some people call it faith - some people call it magic thinking or the “secret.”
My ex-wife called it “lying.”
I used to walk miles every day in Surrey listening to Toni Braxton telling me to “Breathe Again.” I would create visualizations of getting back to LA and showing my wife I wasn’t the “loser” she dumped. That dream never happened.
I used to walk miles in Burnaby listening to Babyface ask me “When will I see you again.” I’d envision being famous and getting the Maple Ridge Girl to come back to me. That dream never happened.
I used to walk for miles on Hollywood Boulevard listening to homeless people telling me to give them spare change or read their script. I envisioned getting on Letterman and telling all of those people who didn’t believe in me, “Revenge is a dish best served out of my ass.” That dream never happened.
I used to walk a few blocks on Granville listening to people be mad at the Canucks on their way to the Roxy. I’d walk by the Vogue Theatre and envision my name on the marquee.
On October 2nd
THAT DREAM HAPPENS!!!!!
It was faith, magic thinking, and lying. I did all of that but what really made this dream come true is
BLIND AMBITION
Come and let me thank you, Canada.
My ex-wife called it “lying.”
I used to walk miles every day in Surrey listening to Toni Braxton telling me to “Breathe Again.” I would create visualizations of getting back to LA and showing my wife I wasn’t the “loser” she dumped. That dream never happened.
I used to walk miles in Burnaby listening to Babyface ask me “When will I see you again.” I’d envision being famous and getting the Maple Ridge Girl to come back to me. That dream never happened.
I used to walk for miles on Hollywood Boulevard listening to homeless people telling me to give them spare change or read their script. I envisioned getting on Letterman and telling all of those people who didn’t believe in me, “Revenge is a dish best served out of my ass.” That dream never happened.
I used to walk a few blocks on Granville listening to people be mad at the Canucks on their way to the Roxy. I’d walk by the Vogue Theatre and envision my name on the marquee.
On October 2nd
THAT DREAM HAPPENS!!!!!
It was faith, magic thinking, and lying. I did all of that but what really made this dream come true is
BLIND AMBITION
Come and let me thank you, Canada.
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